Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
