I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
