ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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