Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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