I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i was born a porn star she said
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
