thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
