how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
