I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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