went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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