No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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