stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
is wine microwaveable?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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