Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I had to cum in my sink.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
