goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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