checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
