I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
