I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
