What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
