I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
