i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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