So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
