I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
