I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
