so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
