you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
