oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
