Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
and you fell through a lawn chair
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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