tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
