I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
please come you make the beer taste better
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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