I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
