i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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