She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
