He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
