is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Your penis caused this!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
