so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Rumble strips road head = magical
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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