Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
