Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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