my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My cat gives me a boner
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
