it was like fucking gandolphs beard
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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