we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We don't watch enough power rangers
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
