She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
