I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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