i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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