1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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