who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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