I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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