I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
