Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
