Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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