Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
