I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Randomize
