We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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