i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
