Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
