I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
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He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
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I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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