whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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