She even gives head with a lisp.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
