you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
