sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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