Sorry, I don't speak sober.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
