i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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