It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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