Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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