i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
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you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
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Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
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