Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
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